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Returning to the dating scene after you have discovered you have contracted genital herpes can bring a myriad of fears and questions. If you tell a person you have the disease, will they still want to date you? Will your partner believe that you are a “bad” person? What will they tell other people about me? Will I ever be able to have a normal sex life again? These emotions are certainly understandable. You can still date. You can still fall in love. You can even still get married and have children! However, it is important to be open and honest with a potential partner, because a long lasting relationship should not be built upon a foundation of lies or deception.

Your potential dates down the road will be concerned about the fact that you have a sexually transmitted disease. Although suppressive medications can keep the disease in check, there is not a cure available for it. However, when you tell a partner about your affliction, their reaction will allow you to gauge which ones are serious about having a relationship with you in the future. Simply having genital herpes does not change the essence of who you are as a person. There will be individuals who will exit the relationship because they are unable to cope with your disease. You should anticipate this reaction in some instances, but it should not be allowed to affect your self esteem. Being open and honest with someone you care about your STD will demonstrate your concern for their well being, and it will allow you to find the man or woman who will look past the disease to see you for who you truly are.

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If you are sexually intimate with a person who has herpes simplex II, or genital herpes there are a few things that you should know about herpes transmission.

The herpes simplex viruses are transmitted through skin to skin contact. It is not a blood borne virus, it lays dormant in the nervous system, and when it is triggered it rises to the surface. This is known as a herpes outbreak. Genital herpes outbreaks can look like anything from puss filled sores, to small open wounds. They can occur inside the vagina, on the scrotum, pelvis, the inner thigh, buttocks or lower back. Herpes sores can be big enough to see visibly, but they can also be be small as a pin point and barely noticeable to the human eye.

Now that you understand what a genital herpes outbreak is and the ways it can appear – you should realize that the answer to your question is simply yes – you can still get herpes even if you wear a condom and the person has no visible signs of an outbreak.

If you are in a relationship with a person who has genital herpes and are considering being sexually intimate with them, it is important for you to have a honest discussion about what types of medications they take. While condoms can reduce your risk, it is not a fool proof method of prevention. In order to protect yourself, your partner should commit
to taking daily suppressive therapy like Valtrex. Studies have shown that using condoms combined with daily suppressive therapy will reduce your risk to under two to five percent.

The herpes simplex virus can go unnoticed and undetected for years to a person who has the virus. For this reason there is no real way to do a spot check to confirm whether or not a person has herpes. The most obvious indication that a person is having a herpes outbreak is the actual outbreak itself. However the skin symptoms associated with herpes can look like anything from a puffy red blister to a small zit. While herpes type 1 will usually surface on or near the mouth, genital herpes can literally appear anywhere below the waist. It is not just isolated to the genital area. People who have genital herpes often report having outbreaks on their inner thighs, lower back or pelvis area.

The only true way to know if someone has herpes is by suggesting a mutual blood test that would pick up the herpes virus. More than half of the people who have HSV don’t know it – so even the most honest and well intentioned person can unknowingly pass the virus to someone else. Genital herpes has been demonized by the general population, but the truth is herpes type 1 (oral herpes) is just as contagious as genital herpes. Not only that but oral herpes can be passed during oral sex and caused genital herpes.

Herpes can be transmitted even when there are no outward signs. This can happen during the period known as viral shedding. The herpes virus lays dormant inside nerve cells and when it activates it travels through the nerve cells to the surface of the skin. Once it reaches the skin it does what is referred to as “shedding”, sometimes skin lesions result and sometimes they do not. When a person with herpes is in the viral shedding stage they are contagious. Viral shedding occurs at random and isn’t always marked by symptoms.

The best way to know that someone has the herpes virus is through blood testing and the best way to avoid getting the herpes virus is through safe and responsible sex. If you suspect that you may have herpes, get tested as soon as possible.